I Love Film Merchandise, Or George Lucas Can Take His Star Wars Figures And Shove Them Up His...

Stuck for some last minute Christmas gifts? How about a DVD of a film they like? Or the Poster for the movie? The toys of the cast of the film? The soundtrack to the movie? Take them to the theme park where the film's official ride is? You could always go to Mcdonalds, buy a happy meal and give them the figures from the movie that come with the food (okay this isn't really an option if, say, their favourite film is A Nightmare on Elm Street - Although a small figure of Freddy Krueger in a kid's happy meal would be brilliant, and let's be honest, Krueger's face actually looks a lot more appetising than half the stuff Mcdonalds serve anyway).

Film merchandising is huuuuuge money. Thousands of companies, unrelated to film, try to create synergies with film companies every year to produce merchandise for the film in an attempt to boost their sales (while helping put bums on seats in the multiplexes for the film's production companies). One of the smartest moves in the history of mankind, was when George Lucas held back the rights to the Star Wars merchandise. He's made a fortune because of it. There's even Star Wars condoms now, which is kind of ironic because no one who likes Star Wars has ever even actually had sex.

I've never really gone in for film merchandise. I have a lot of DVD's (over 800, in fact - clearly bragging here), and I have a few postes (still in their rolls because the wife won't let me have them up -yet her first time attempt at becoming an artist - basically slapping some blue paint on a white canvas and calling it a wave- rests 'proudly' on our dining room wall...), but other than that I have never bothered parting with my 'hard earned' (I use that term loosely) cash.

It's not that I have a problem with people who collect film merchandise, though. People who do, however, collect film memorabilia (such as figures) often get labelled as geeks. This may be because merchandise is particularly popular in the science fiction and horror genres, but I think it's a little harsh to stereotype. Deep down we're all geeks who enjoy collecting things, it's just that while some people collect stormtrooper figures, Batman comics and Pokemon cards, other people collect Vinyl records, girl's phone numbers and sexually transmitted diseases on Saturday nights, when they're out partying.

It seems every film these days has some sort of merchandise that comes with it. Love Ghostbusters? Put on a proton pack and pretend you're Billy Murray; Jurassic Park your favourite movie? Buy all the toys and re-create the film's most iconic moments in your living room; Can't get enough of Indianna Jones? Buy a whip and his hat and spice up your love life; Massive Pulp Fiction fan? Buy a gimp mask; A fan of Saw? Nah me neither...

Whatever your favourite genre, whatever your favourite film, chances are you will be able to find some sort of merchandise for it. So if you fancy treating yourself this Christmas, or are stuck for the awkward person who loves Batman and Robin but says he has everything, then buy him a George Clooney figure that squirts shampoo from the Bat nipples... I bet he doesn't have one of them... Just remember to add my name to the gift tag after you've wrapped it...